WHAT I GAVE UP / NO MAESTRO / HOW TO WALK / WIND NEAR ME / LAVENDER AND APRICOT / REGULAR COFFEE / SELECTING A PRESENT FOR A BUG / AGAINST SIN / SHRIEKING CALLIOPE / DAILEN AND ISABELLE / WHAT IS WIND / LINKS
I wrote about Lent a few weeks ago but I didn't say what it was I was giving up. Well I gave up "staying indoors all day", and even though it's only been a few weeks I gotta say it's tough. In the past I used to walk all the time, that was my main mode of transportation. But I'd usually go to somewhere, to go get something or see someone or to hope to see someone or to try to get something. But for the time being I can't do all that. I can't just walk to the bookstore to see the guy that calls me "maestro" then go to the other bookstore and see what's new in occult / UFO-- that style of fucking around is currently just not in the repertoire. If I don't have an required errand, like getting food or checking the mail, I wind up just kind of walking somewhere, waiting for an arbitrary amount of time, then walking back.
So it's weird to not have a mission, or even an excuse, but I'm getting better at it. At first I tried telling myself I'm going to go out and get some sun on me but my apartment does get nice light already, in different rooms at different times, so that was a tough sell. The new way is to tell myself I'm going out to get some wind on me, and that works, as the salient mood for the indoors mind is a sort of doldrum: windless, and besides that it's March now and the wind is noteable. Barring any other errand, I have a few spots that I head to for wind.
The Park Near Me
The easiest spot to find a nice bit of wind is the park near me, which is completely not noteable, it's just a flat bit of land on top of a small hill. You'd think the wind would whip across the basketball court as you look out over a cityscape as the setting sun turns rooftops lavender and apricot and this would inspire you, but it doesn't, not really, or not as much as one would hope. Still, there's wind there and I can walk there and back, and that's it, that's all I need.
The Park Farther Away
More of a walk, and in a different direction, there's a park with a huge hill that's nice to climb up. At the top of the hill is exactly the sort of place where you and your buddy split a six pack or a jay bone. The rest of the park is nice too. There's a Dunkin Donuts right there and sometimes I get a small regular coffee and sit in the middle of the field and drink it (the coffee). There's no one close by and I can just listen to faraway traffic, faraway skatepark, and wind. NB: "regular" in this context means cream and sugar.
I went to this park there a few weeks ago to get leaves for my terrarium, and it was a great place for that, but I wound up walking around on the trails for a long time looking around. I only needed like, 10 leaves, but I felt like I didn't want to grab them all from the first tree I saw, so I walked up and into the trails. Then every leaf I picked up I'd be like "ehhh, this is ok..." or "I don't like the look of these weird spots". Finally I snapped out of it and just grabbed a handful and put them in my bag.
The Park Farther Away Than That
On rare days I walk out to the park closer to downtown. If possible I'll get a coffee and a pastry from my formerly-regular coffee spot, and sit in the park, but they close early now-- I like to have coffee at like 4pm and they close at 3:30. If I don't make it there in time then my only option is this coffee place I don't like, and then all I can do is hope that the coffee's going to be hot, and that no one sees me going in there or coming out. Generally speaking there are some things I like in this world and some things I don't like and this place to be honest I like to not like. It's a perfect place to dislike because it's called SIN and it sucks, and every time I go I'm like "wow, I thought sin would be ok this time but once again it's just a drag" or "it's convenient to embrace sin but next time I'm just going to bring a thermos of coffee from home" or just "why do people like sin?!?!?". I mean it's pretty instructive really!
The park itself, incidentally, also sucks. It's totally flat, there's no water feature or anything, nothing except a few trees planted in straight lines. Because there's nothing in the landscape to suggest motion, all the activity clusters around the edge-- everyone jogs around the park, not through it, which lends the whole affair a bit of a carousel vibe, with the playground in the center as a shrieking calliope. I sit in the interior somewhere and watch the parade from a significant remove, as wind swoops down on seemingly only me. Maybe possibly I see someone I even know. I was there just before Halloween last year and for a second I thought I saw 2 buds dressed as 1 pumpkin, but it was 2 monks in saffron robes. Then 1 minute later I thought I saw someone walking towards me in a Michael Myers mask but it was actually a renowned techno artíste in health goth attire, coming over with another friendly dance music producer to say hi. :)
What Is Wind
Sometimes it's hard for me to grasp how big the world is and how many things are involved in the structures around me. Wind, as I understand it, is just tons of extremely small things moving a little more than usual and adding up to a tremendous gale that knocks down a branch near your house. I know that some readers out there really hate wind but you must admit that it's pretty bonkers when you think about it. But then again I only really think about wind when I'm not in it. In a strong wind my thoughts are usually more like "Wow! This wind!" or just "Wow!".
Links / misc
While I'm mentioning coffee shops I gotta say that CUPS RI is still raising money to buy out White Electric coffee shop to run it as a worker's cooperative. Dean drew these sick shirts as a fundraiser, really great: [link].
I saw Tsarlag for a second last week and picked up his newest comic, "TOY COLLECTOR". It's great. He also has a new tape out, "TRUSTED FAMILY SPORE". Both are available from his webstore: [link] and you can listen to the tape and many more here: [bandcamp]. He might bristle at this description but if you never heard Russian Tsarlag it's like Twin Peaks music-- haunting, dreamlike, gentle and strong, subconciously processing a terrifying alien message. The only genre description I can give you is "TSARLAG".
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